DEAR ABBY

One of her five children is pushing her new love away

Updated: 2013-10-30T18:43:12Z

By JEANNE PHILLIPS

Universal Uclick

D EAR ABBY: I have been divorced five years and have five children, ranging in age from 23 to 8. When I was having trouble with my middle son, “Logan,” I found help from his godfather, “Carl.” I hadn’t seen Carl in years. He was my ex’s best friend when Logan was born.

Long story short, Carl and I have been in a committed relationship for two years now. He has been more a part of our lives than my ex has. Four of my kids love Carl, and he is very involved in their lives. Logan, however, hates him and throws a fit if his name is mentioned. I have tried to explain that I didn’t intend this to happen, but Logan feels I “took away his godfather from him.” Carl is still there for him, but Logan will have none of it and refuses to listen.

Carl and I mainly spend time together on the weekends we don’t have our kids, or meet for lunch or breakfast. I’m at a loss. Logan is now 17. I don’t want to lose Carl. He’s a great man and wants what’s best for me and the kids. What should I do? — Pulled in Two Directions in Canada

DEAR PULLED: Logan may be 17, but he is acting like a child. Do not let his behavior discourage you from having a life. In another year he will be 18 and either concentrating on finishing his education or finding a job.

Logan needs to realize that he hasn’t “lost” a godfather and that everyone may eventually be gaining a stepdad. He also needs to understand that if he can’t accept it, he will find himself odd man out in an otherwise healthy, happy and functional family.

Pot smoker is putting off quitting

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of five years, “Todd,” is a daily pot smoker. We met during our senior year of college, and I knew he smoked. I don’t use drugs, and I assumed that after college he would grow up. However, it seems unlikely that he will quit, and frankly, I’m sick of it.

I have asked Todd for the last four years to please stop, but he hasn’t. He keeps saying he will, but I don’t know how much longer I want to wait. I know it’s unfair to expect to change someone, but I would not be comfortable getting engaged or married to Todd if he’s still getting stoned. I love him. Should I give it more time or move on? — Patient Girlfriend in San Diego

DEAR GIRLFRIEND: You have been patient enough. If Todd had any intention of quitting, it would have happened already. Four years of procrastination are enough. Because you feel so strongly about this, it’s time to move on because your boyfriend is not going to change.

Dessert a day before

DEAR ABBY: I would like to share a Thanksgiving tradition our family has enjoyed for years. We realized that after a big holiday dinner we weren’t ready to eat a lot of dessert, so we started having “Pie Night” the evening before Thanksgiving. After a light meal we could enjoy the various pies or cakes family members brought. It became one of our favorite traditions.

My father suggested it as a social event/fundraiser to the pastor of our local church, and it was one of their best-attended events. Our family is scattered across the country now, but those times were some of my favorites, and I thought some of your readers might like to incorporate it into their holiday celebrations, too. — Good Times in Arizona

DEAR GOOD TIMES: They might, indeed, especially if they are trying to spread those extra calories over a longer period. (And it would be a good idea to exercise the day after they indulge.) Thanks for the suggestion.

© Universal Uclick 11/1

Deal Saver Subscribe today!

Comments

The Kansas City Star is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Kansas City Star uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here