DEAR ABBY: Im a 23-year-old woman who still lives at home. I have been working for the last five years and have saved enough to live comfortably on my own. Unfortunately, my parents have forbidden me to do it because they think Im being manipulated into it by my boyfriend, that I just want to do whatever I want and be out until late (although Im rarely up past 9 p.m. and they know it), and because I cant stand them anymore.
By JEANNE PHILLIPS
I have no privacy! My mail is opened mistakenly and my calls are listened in on even when I politely and sometimes angrily ask them not to. They have even imposed a rule that I must show them my bank balance weekly.
They have told me I will not leave the house without being married first. I would like to live on my own before I actually marry so I can experience what its like. This is something I have always wanted to do. If I do move out, they say Ill bring shame and embarrassment to the family.
There seems to be a double standard going on here because my older brother has his girlfriend sleep over. How can I accommodate my parents without being disowned? Feeling Helpless in Illinois
DEAR FEELING HELPLESS: Your parents have chosen to ignore that you are an adult, self-supporting and entitled to make your own choices. They may be well-meaning, but they are extremely heavy-handed. Their hyper-vigilance opening your mail, eavesdropping on your phone calls and insisting on checking your bank balance weekly is over the top. They would like you to be safely married before you leave their protection.
Is their problem that they disapprove of your boyfriend? If you get a place of your own, do you plan on moving him in? If thats not the case, there is no reason why your living independently might shame or embarrass them.
Not knowing your parents, I cant judge whether their threat to disown you is serious or not. However, if it is, realize its a form of blackmail, and you will have to decide which is more important your freedom or their support.
DEAR ABBY: Lights Out in Federal Way, Wash. asked if it was a sign that her deceased parents were watching over her when streetlights would go out as she drove under them on her way home.
I understand your desire to give encouragement to someone who has lost her loved ones, but dont you know that many streetlights are light-activated so that after headlights hit them in just the right way they will turn off? After you pass under them, it becomes dark enough again and they will turn back on within a few minutes.
While Im sure that given the opportunity this girls parents would watch over her, the streetlights she described have nothing to do with the paranormal but have a scientific and logical explanation. Someones Watching in Guilford, Mo.
DEAR WATCHING: While many readers shared similar experiences, the majority had a logical explanation as you did. However, I still feel that if what shes experiencing brings her comfort, the important thing is what she chooses to believe.
© Universal Uclick 9/24
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