DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of four years, Joey, is a kind and loving person. Recently the father of one of his close childhood friends died. We live a plane ride away, and Joey could not get time off work to attend the services.
By JEANNE PHILLIPS
I assumed Joey called his friend and family to extend his sympathies. During our last visit home, I found out he had not reached out to them. Im upset that he didnt, and I know the friend was deeply hurt by it.
At this point, what can Joey do to make things right? Why wouldnt he make the call in the first place? Smoothing It Over in San Antonio
DEAR SMOOTHING IT OVER: Joey may not have reached out because he didnt know what to do, which would have been to call and extend his condolences or send a card or handwritten note. He may have procrastinated because he didnt know what to say and was afraid hed say the wrong thing.
The way to fix this would be for Joey to pick up the phone, apologize to his friend for not calling sooner and confess that he knows he was wrong for not doing so. All he needs to say after that is that hes sorry for his friends loss, which he knows must have been painful. Then he should be quiet and listen.
Buns at bath time
DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law allows her 2-year-old daughter to run around naked before bath time and at other times. They have been visiting us, and there are also other people in the house and yard. The childs mom tells her to say, Look at these buns! and laughs.
We feel this is inappropriate and dangerous. How can we get through to her that its not right? Concerned Grandma in Eau Claire, Wis.
DEAR GRANDMA: While I dont think that allowing a child to run around nude at home is dangerous, I do agree that encouraging a child to run naked and say, Look at these buns! is unwise. The response it brings (Ha, ha, ha isnt she cute!) teaches the little girl that this is a way to get attention.
While this may be amusing at 2, it is setting a pattern that will attract the wrong kind of attention when she is 4, 5 or 6. Envision her mooning the first-grade class! Perhaps you can make your daughter-in-law understand by showing her this column. I certainly hope so.
DEAR ABBY: I am an asexual college student with a question about dating. When should I tell someone that Im asexual? Im not really out mostly because I dont feel the need to talk about it but Im not ashamed of it, either. What do you think? New England Ace
DEAR ACE: I see no reason to announce it at a first meeting because its nobodys business. The time to tell someone you are asexual is after you have gotten to know the person well enough to be comfortable sharing information.
In case you dont realize it, you are not the only asexual person out there. Because theres so much emphasis on sex and sexual orientation in our society, it might help you to know that an organization exists that enables asexuals to connect with one another. Its the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), and you can find it on the Internet at asexuality.org.
© Universal Uclick 9/16
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