DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, one of my granddaughters was molested by her mothers (my daughters) then-boyfriend, whom they were living with. When the girls father found out, he called the police and the man was arrested, tried and convicted.
By JEANNE PHILLIPS
Abby, while he was out on bail, my daughter married him! She doesnt believe the molestation took place. If I were in her shoes, I would certainly believe my 8-year-old daughter over a boyfriend about something so damaging.
I cut off contact with this daughter, as did her sisters. She occasionally calls my husband (who is not her father) when she wants something, and I have received a few texts, which I ignore.
Am I doing the right thing? I sometimes feel guilty, but it angers me that she didnt stand behind her daughter and has made no effort to see either of her girls over the past two years. I see them often because their dad knows I stand with the girls 100 percent. Grandma in Ohio
DEAR GRANDMA: The answer to your question depends upon why your daughter hasnt seen her children in two years. If its because their father wont allow it, then her estrangement from her daughters isnt her fault. If it has been her choice, however, then stop feeling guilty.
Ex-husband still hangs out at the house
DEAR ABBY: I need your opinion about my ex-husband and his lack of respect for boundaries. He moved out of our home two years ago but never changed his mailing address. We have been officially divorced for six months. He feels its OK to come to our married house anytime he wants. We have two teenage children who refuse to spend the night with him.
When he comes to my house, he goes through the mail, opens the cabinets and refrigerators, even goes into my room when Im not home and watches TV. I am dating someone new and dont feel comfortable with this setup. Im worried it will cause problems with my new friend, and I dont know how to stop this madness.
We currently have the married house on the market, and I want to make sure he knows he wont be welcome in my new home if not invited. How do I avoid conflict with him and my kids? Really Divorced in St. Louis
DEAR REALLY DIVORCED: You should have set clear boundaries the day your divorce became official, but its still not too late to do so. Tell your ex to notify the post office and his creditors of his change of address, and that if his mail continues to show up at your house, after a month it will be returned to the post office with the notation not at this address.
You should also inform him and your children that you do not want him in your house in your absence. If he doesnt respect your wishes, then change the locks. The time he spends with your teenage children should also be else-where. He may not like the fact that you are establishing your independence, but you have a right to your privacy.
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