DEAR ABBY: My 22-year-old daughter and her two young children live with me. She doesnt work, which is fine. I dont mind supporting her because Id rather have the kids see their mom.
By JEANNE PHILLIPS
I spent most of my life as a single mom, working long hours and not seeing my kids. My work has finally paid off, and Im at a point where, while not rich, I can support my daughter and grandbabies.
The problem is the baby daddy. He has a history of drug abuse, theft and jail time. He works only part-time jobs, which he loses monthly. He gives my daughter nothing and treats her as if she owes him.
I dont want to support him, but he has moved in and wont leave my house. I have told him to go, that hes welcome to visit the kids, but he ignores me. Its like talking to a wall. He wont even acknowledge that I told him to leave. He acts like hes king of the castle when its my home! I cant take it anymore. I pay all the bills.
I told my daughter, and she ignores me as well. My oldest son has offered to talk to them for me. I dont want to lose my grandbabies. They are my purpose in life. Please help. Furious in Pennsylvania
DEAR FURIOUS: Part of your problem may be the degree to which you enable your daughter. You wont be around forever. She needs to learn to be independent so she can support herself and those children. Clearly, Baby Daddy isnt man enough to be of any assistance.
If he has lived with you for a while, you may need a lawyer to get him out. According to Los Angeles attorney Lee Dresie: You can get rid of the freeloader by giving him a 30-day notice to leave in writing. It should say, You have 30 days to leave my home. If you dont, I will bring an action to evict you. If he still refuses to go, consult an attorney who specializes in eviction law.
This is Abby again: Be sure you have a witness present when the notice is given so Baby Daddy cant deny receiving it. Your son could be that witness, and yes, he should be asked to lead the discussion on how to resolve this situation.
It is also troubling that the daughter for whom you provide food and shelter is ignoring you. Youre treated this way because you dont assert yourself. Please do it before Baby Daddy impregnates her again and you have four people to support.
Help for sweaty hands
DEAR ABBY: Im 27 and have an issue that has bothered me for most of my life. I have overly hot/sweaty hands and feet. When I was dating women, they wouldnt want to hold my hand, which bothered me a lot. Also, my friends sometimes make fun of me for it.
I am entering a profession that will require lots of handshaking with potential clients. This will be an issue for me because I dont want to make a bad impression. Do you have any suggestions? Sweaty in North Dakota
DEAR SWEATY: Yes! There is help for your problem, and the way to get it is to talk with a dermatologist. There is a product that can curb the excessive sweating (hyperhidrosis), but a doctor must prescribe it for you. Botox injections could also help, but they should be administered by a physician. There is also a machine used to treat this condition. The dermatologist can help you decide which solution would be the best for you.
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