DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of the latest wedding trends is to suggest to brides- and grooms-to-be that it is a good thing to tell those whom they are not inviting to the wedding just why they are not being invited.
By JUDITH MARTIN
The explanation given is that the couple would adore to have you attend their wedding but that their budget will not permit it. It is also suggested that to make the excluded feel included, they be invited to go along on expeditions to help choose the dress, the cake or whatever.
As the occasional recipient of such announcements, I would like your advice about how to respond. It seems churlish to say that youre relieved not to be invited, but it seems awkward to admit that your feelings are hurt at being excluded.
GENTLE READER: The temptation to respond, Oh, please dont feel bad about this I wouldnt have gone anyway, must be enormous.
Certainly that is a lot more tempting than going shopping with the bride, to watch her spend the money she saved by excluding you.
Miss Manners understands that it might sometimes be necessary to respond to pushy people who announce their intention of attending a wedding to which they have not been invited. Even then, pleading budget concerns is ugly, as an admission that the arrangements are more important than the people.
They should be told, Its a very small wedding just family and a few close friends. And no, thats not a lie, because small and close are subject to interpretation. But to say, Nyah, nyah, youre not invited to my wedding to people who were minding their own business is as mean as it is vulgar.
As no invitation was issued, no response is necessary. But you could reassure them that you are not devastated by saying cheerfully, Fine or, Thats quite all right. © Universal Uclick 2/27
Send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, MissManners.com, or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.