DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am aware that in restaurants, it is traditional for a gentleman to give the waiter both his own order and the order of any ladies he is eating with. What is the proper protocol for responding to unexpected follow-up questions from the waiter, such as, “How would you like that done?”

Should the lady answer those questions directly or have her male partner relay the information?

GENTLE READER: Even those few who know about this custom will rarely keep it up by directing all questions to the gentleman. In theory, the waiter should ask him, for example, “How would madam like that done?” whereupon the lady would respond to the gentleman, “Rare to the point of bleeding,” and he would relay this to the waiter.

Miss Manners admits that this bit of theater is difficult to carry off. So perhaps it is just as well to spare the waiter by switching to direct answers.

Nanny doesn’t like hitting in families

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an experienced nanny. Recently I have had jobs where family members hit each other. Sometimes it is the children slapping the mother’s face; sometimes it is the children bruising each other; and most recently, twin 7-year-old girls began hitting me.

I wonder if you would help me come up with a way to address this during the initial interview. I feel uncomfortable just saying, “Is hitting OK in your house?”

GENTLE READER: You are unlikely to extract the proof you want by quizzing the prospective employer. No one admits to approving violence.

But you can state your non-negotiable policy: that you do not tolerate hitting of any kind. You should then explain how you deal with children who disobey this rule and say that you expect parents who hire you to support you if it happens.

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