Dear Abby: Do women ever initiate sex with men, or must they always be wooed, cajoled, begged or persuaded? I have a fairly good physical relationship with my wife, but it happens only when I make the overtures. I am left with the conclusion that either the physical act isn’t that enjoyable or I am not desirable.

If every encounter must start with me, and my wife can take it or leave it, is she just doing me a favor? Must sex always start with the guy, or can women demonstrate more overt interest? — Undersexed in Ohio

Dear Undersexed: Many women — but not all — initiate sex with their partners. If your wife doesn’t, it may be she isn’t comfortable being the aggressor, her hormone levels have changed, sex may have become painful for her, or she never got much out of it in the first place.

Not knowing her, I can’t explain why she never makes the first move. But this I am sure of — until you have a frank and honest discussion with her about it, nothing is going to change, and it may need to happen with the help of a marriage counselor.

Greener grass online

Dear Abby: I have been married to “Richard” for three years, but we have lived together for 10. I was Richard’s first and only girlfriend. He’s very shy, while I have always been outgoing.

I have been communicating with another man, “Drew,” for about a year. It started out as me just having a little fun, but now I’m seriously considering leaving Richard. Although Drew and I have never met in person, both of us believe we’re in love.

I love Richard, but I just don’t feel “in love” anymore. We have talked about our communication problems, and he knows about Drew. I feel he has ignored our issues.

We have been trying to get pregnant for years and it hasn’t happened. Should I follow my heart and be with Drew or stay with Richard despite my feelings? — Distraught in Texas

Dear Distraught: I’m willing to wager that if you devoted just a fraction of the energy you have spent on your extracurricular relationship to your husband, your marriage would be in better shape. With the help of a marriage counselor, you might even be able to re-establish your “connection.”

But for you to throw away your marriage for someone you haven’t met in person would be a serious mistake. Be glad that you haven’t gotten pregnant and dragged a child into this. It would have broken your husband’s heart, not only because you abandoned him but also because he would have been separated from the child he loved. © 2013 Universal Uclick 1/30