Kelly’s curse, Part 1

Over the summer a turquoise and gold ring once owned by “Pride and Prejudice” author Jane Austen sold at auction to an anonymous bidder for $244,000.

“Jane Austen’s simple and modest ring is a wonderfully intimate and evocative possession. The price achieved today and the huge level of interest it has generated, is a remarkable testament to the author’s enduring appeal and her place at the heart of our literary and cultural heritage,” Sotheby’s in London gushed at the time.

Turns out, Kelly Clarkson had the winning bid. But will she ever be able to flash it on a red carpet stateside? Maybe not.

Kelly tells British newspaper the Daily Star that she’s been denied an export license to bring the ring home because it’s been deemed a “national treasure.”

And she even got up at 4 a.m. to bid on it!

Sounds like someone should have told her about the restrictions up front. Right, Sotheby’s?

Kelly’s curse, Part 2

Next time you watch “Road House” on TV, remember this: Somewhere out there, Kelly Lynch is having a bad day.

Kelly, who co-starred with Patrick Swayze in the 1989 flick, recently told the A.V. Club website about a little prank Bill Murray and his funny brothers pull every time the movie airs.

“Every time ‘Road House’ is on and he or one of his idiot brothers are watching TV — and they’re always watching TV — one of them calls my husband and says, ‘Kelly’s having sex with Patrick Swayze right now. They’re doing it. He’s throwing her against the rocks.’ ”

Kelly is married to Mitch Glazer, who co-wrote Bill’s 1988 movie, “Christmas Carol.”

“I dread it,” she says. “If I know it’s coming on — and I can tell when it’s coming on, because it blows up on Twitter when it is — I’m just like, ‘Oh, my God …’ And God help me when AMC’s doing their ‘Road House’ marathon, because I know the phone is just going to keep ringing. It doesn’t matter if it’s 2 or 3 in morning. ‘Hi, Kelly’s having sex with Patrick Swayze right now…’ ”

Pippa’s bottom line

Props to Pippa Middleton today for being very self-aware.

Prince William’s sister-in-law has written a book, “Celebrate: A Year of Festivities for Families and Friends,” which comes out on Oct. 30.

Excerpts floating around reveal that she knows exactly who buttered her bread, er, crumpets.

“It’s a bit startling to achieve global recognition before the age of 30 on account of your sister, your brother-in-law, and your bottom,” she writes. “One day I might be able to make sense of this. In the meantime I think it’s fair to say that it has its upside and its downside.”

Melissa malarkey

“Mike & Molly” star Melissa McCarthy thinks she’s “too big for TV,” the National Enquirer reports.

Plus-size actress. Too big for TV.

Ha ha.

Not funny.

And neither is the fact that the story rings horribly hollow, according to the far more reputable Gossip Cop.

The National Enquirer, quoting anonymous insiders, wants us to believe that Emmy winner and “Bridesmaids” star Melissa has turned into a “raging diva” on the set because of her “recent success on the big screen.”

And, she “wants out of ‘Mike & Molly,’ ” and even approached producers to get out of her contract, the tabloid insists.

“A real source close to McCarthy assures Gossip Cop that the Enquirer’s story is absurd and completely untrue,” the website reports.

Christina’s curves wanted

Christina Aguilera has been offered $3 million to flaunt her curves for a new dating website called TheBigandtheBeautiful .com.

Whitney Thompson, the plus-sized winner of “America’s Next Top Model,” wants Christina to put her curvy assets to work for the new website “specifically designed for women with curves.” She’d appear in TV and radio spots, make a few public appearances and pose for two photo shoots.

No word from Christina on whether she’ll accept.