BIO: I'm a native of Michigan and have been single for almost a year since ending a four-year relationship. After dating a few freaks and losers in Kansas City, I'm on a dating hiatus. I'm a journalist and a homeowner in Kansas City. E-MAIL: firstname.lastname@example.org
Entry 18: Insights into the male mind ... wait, is that an oxymoron?
Gasp! I was talking to a boy last night. He explained (if you can call it that) why some men act the way they do.
He told me when he was younger he wouldn't let himself date a girl for longer than two months because that was around the time he would start to catch feelings.
"So that's why guys do that!" I exclaimed. Ladies, raise your hand if this has happened to you: Girl dates boy, boy seems totally normal at first, boy acts like he likes girl as much as girl likes him, boy sleeps with girl (asshole!), out of nowhere, boy freaks out, boy decides he can't date girl anymore, boy gives girl a lame line ("Let's still be friends!"), girl is left wondering "Umm, what just happened here?"
Some boys say they break it off because they want to hurt the woman before she ends up hurting them. But this boy said he broke it off because he didn't want a relationship and if it lasted more than two months, that's where things would head.
"Why do guys do that?" I asked him. "What's wrong with a relationship if the girl makes you feel good? Why can't boys just let themselves be happy?"
He thought he was doing these girls a favor. He said "I wanted to be able to sleep with as many women as possible. And I didn't want to cheat, so by breaking it off, I wouldn't end up hurting them."
"Wait, stop. You are trying not to hurt them by breaking up with them? Makes perfect sense to me."
"The key to a successful relationship is not believing that everyone is imperfect, and therefore you should be happy if you find a guy with most of the traits you like. The key is drawing a line in the sand for what's totally unacceptable. You have to decide what you absolutely cannot abide and then pray like hell you'll get over the rest. This is called having standards."
This is from The ManDates by Dave Singleton. It is also hilarious and very true.
I'm a homeowner. I'm young, hot and successful in my job. That doesn't mean I think I'm better than anybody else. But I do have standards. I can't date a guy who lives in squalor. You know what I mean. He lives in a bad apartment/house. He has at least three roommates. Layers of body hair, urine and soap scum coat his bathroom. And you can't find any nonprocessed food in his kitchen to save your life.
This is a graphic description because I have dated that guy and put up with the squalor. I just can't do it anymore. I'm too grown.
Lots of women are. More and more women are going to universities and getting advanced degrees. "Women are taking over," as my guy friend Mexx said.
I was trying to explain this point to another male friend of mine recently. And he said:
"I'm tired of women trying to use that excuse that 'men are scared of me or won't date me cause I'm successful.' That's not the case.....its because you have a stank attitude and you think you are all that and better than everyone else just cause you have a little success under your belt."
Dang. I don't think men are scared of me at all. I do think some men are intimidated by successful women, but not all of them. I think some men love successful and smart women. Do I have a stank attitude? No. I have standards. Do I think I'm all that? Yes. If I don't think so, who will?
So we all know the deal. It's tough to get a date in Kansas City. In a 2004 study by Sperling's Best Places, we were ranked the worst city for dating. The question is why? Imports from other, bigger (but not better) cities say Kansas City singles are too passive, too married and too stuck in their ways.
Some people say it's because the people from Kansas City tend to stay within circles of friends from high school or college. Others say Kansas Citians only talk to neighbors and co-workers. But whatever the reason, the area's dating scene is quiet, in more ways than one.
Susan Metenosky, 22, has one idea.
"I definitely think in some other cities, people are more likely to approach strangers and people here are more comfortable in their group of friends and they don't like to venture out of that very often," the New Jersey native said.
A dating venue is also an issue, she said.
"I think there could be more opportunities to meet people in bigger cities."
If you're looking for answers, this is not the story for you. I have no answers. I went into this thinking "what's the deal with Kansas City guys?" but now I'm not so sure it's just Kansas City.
People say it's different in bigger cities, but I think in general, once you leave college, dating gets really hard. In college, you're always meeting people, in class, in the cafeteria, at parties, at work, wherever. You can practically start a relationship with three words: "What's your major?"
In the grownup world, starting conversations isn't that easy. First of all, when are you ever surrounded by a bunch of people your own age? Maybe at work, but workplace dating isn't for everyone.
At the bar people seem to be around the same age, but those people are drinking and I don't know about you, but don't trust anything I have to say after a Boulevard or two.
Even at bars, guys, who traditionally do the approaching, say it's intimidating to walk up to a group of women and start talking to one of them.
"The women are more passive here," said Fred Merritt, 28 of North Kansas City. "KC's got good potential, (but) I think there needs to be a lot more outlets and a lot more people, single women."
"The majority of the women I've been meeting are already in a relationship or married," he said.
He's been on a few dates, but not with people he met out and about. He's met women online, at work and through friends.
"I think if they had more social outlets for the young professionals, I really don't know of too much. They have the First Fridays, but that's once a month, whereas in the D.C., Virginia area, there's something going on almost every night of the week."
Merritt came to Kansas City to work at Cerner, which has a lot of young people, so making friends isn't as hard. But what about other imports?
Neel Patel, 27, originally from Ahmedabad, India, came to Kansas City for a pharmacist job two long years ago.
Since then, he's struggled to make friends here, let alone find a date.
"People are just confined to their home and job, home, job," he said. "It's very hard. It's very lonely, depressing, it's very tough,"
Patel says at the few parties he's attended, people tend to come in groups and stay in groups. If you're by yourself, it's hard to try to infiltrate them, he said.
In India, things were different.
"You're more likely to bump into people you know. And it's easier to make friends with people you may have met once."
Depending on what the job market looks like, he hopes to move to California for work and to try the dating scene there.
"It might be worse than here, I don't know, it's just a chance that I'm taking." He said
Metenosky wants to hit the road too.
"Kansas City feels very small. I often feel I have met everybody here although I'm sure that's not true," she said.
"I have had good (dating) experiences here, probably for my first two to three years of college I had some really good experiences but after that it kinda slowed down, and I think that has to do with I've met a lot of people that have a lot of the same interests at me and I feel kind of like I'm at a dead end."
That's what I've been hearing from a lot of singles.
One woman told me recently that she thinks a lot of the good men are at home, hidden from all the women who might be interested.
If that's true, please come out guys! The women are aggressively looking for you.
Like I said, I have no answers. All I can say is make some noise, go out more often, approach others more often and talk more often. We have nothing to left to lose but our muzzles.
Entry 15: I don't sell crazy
OK, so one of my guy friends was telling me the other day about how women are more aggressive now. "What do you mean by aggressive?" I asked. Then he told me a crazy story.
Mixed Signal 1: A girl said they should get together the next time she was in town and he said "Yes, let's go out to dinner." AND PAID FOR IT. Yet, somehow to him, it's not a date. Hmm.
Mixed Signal 2. This girl flat out said "I like you." And he said, "That's interesting to know."
Mixed Signal 3: This girl kissed him. He said, "I'm not sure this is a good idea because we work together." (He didn't say "this isn't a good idea because I don't like you.")
Mixed Signal 4: This girl offers to cook him dinner. He said "Sure!" Even though he doesn't like her "like that." and he knows she likes him.
"That's accepting a date with her!" I said. He was like "It was? I just thought it was a free meal that I'd be foolish to turn down."
OK. I thought when boys did their whole mixed-signals thing, they were either messed up in the head or running the "push-pull" game on you. Apparently, they're just stupid. He didn't even realize he was sending mixed signals.
My friend Scottie is the same way. He will talk to a woman so earnestly and compliment her all over the place, even go to dinner with her, and then wonder how she got a crush on him.
Boys need to learn how to read their own signs. But I guess I have to cut them a little slack. They're just not as smart as we are.
Entry 14: Late-night Love Jones
For all you insomniacs out there, I have two words for you: Love Jones.
That was what led to my late-night-movie phone call last spring. Don't fall for the late-night movie. It can get you into serious trouble.
I was telling one of my guy friends about it, and he sympathized. He said he had made several calls after late-night movies, "which I regretted immediately after I slept with the girl."
If you've never seen "Love Jones," it is an incredibly good love story of two people who meet, get swept up in sexual passion, fall in love, break up, separate and come back together. Quality cinema. I have seen it before, and I was watching it one spring night with my girlfriends Nina and Josie at Josie's apartment.
Anyway, your late-night love story could be anything. It might be "Titanic" (although, why?) or "The Way We Were" (classic, so sad!) or "Sixteen Candles." (The ending is the sweetest.)
How do you know it's a late-night movie? If you want to call an ex after you're done watching it.
I made that mistake. I called Slacker Boy, my ex that I dated for four years, and said "Why don't you come visit? You can help me move." Then I sweetened the deal by saying "...That way, you'll be the first person to make out with me in my new house." The moving thing didn't sway him. Of course, the making out did. He hasn't kissed anyone since we broke up. Also, I am a very good kisser.
Anyway, I called him because I was feeling lonely. I hadn't really dated anyone worthwhile since we broke up. I just wanted to talk to someone who loved me. Because even though I didn't want him back, sometimes it's just nice to know someone somewhere out there is in love with you.
It was almost like we were still together. We both got all emotional and nearly said the three most dangerous words in the English language. But we didn't. That was the night he told me not to tell him when I started dating again because he said "It would be a BAD day."
Later, after I got over my emotions from the late-night movie, I thought, *Dang, what did I do? He's coming here and I might end up even more messed up than I was when we first broke up.*
Nina was worried about me. She said she wasn't sure if I was ready to see him and at that point, I totally wasn't.
I kept postponing his trip with excuses (my mom's in town!) Eventually, I let him come.
I'm not sure I was very nice to him when he was here. Probably because I wasn't ready for it. I just needed a guy who would let me boss him around while he moved my furniture. It couldn't be the no-furniture guy (my then-semi-love interest), because he popped up at my old apartment unannounced one time - not cool- and Nina didn't want him knowing my new address.
I learned an important lesson. The late-night movie is evil. And, it's not nice to use people. That's totally what I was doing, even though SB didn't know it. Later on, I told him we couldn't see each other anymore because I don't want to be the girl who stops him from moving on. If Slacker Boy ever grows up and stops being a slacker, he will make someone deliriously happy. Just not me. He shouldn't be holding on to anything and I shouldn't still be under his skin. It's done.
It's hard, but just like it's good for us ladies to get over losers, the guys need to get over us too. (Even if we were the best thing that ever happened to them like I was in SB's case). Also, the guys need to get over what me and Nina like to call "mediocre girl." You know, that girl who broke your heart/is crazy/is a complete monster but you can't let go of. Move ON.
Which brings me back to why I can't watch "Love Jones" anymore. Not even the first part of it before everything falls apart. I always tell myself, I'll just watch until that part, but once you get into a good movie, you kinda want to follow it through.
If you've never seen Love Jones, rent it. But if you're single, have a buddy system in place to stop you from making the late-night movie phone call. Otherwise you might wind up regretting what happens next.
In this skin
There's always one.
I was volunteering today, and this doctor was talking to teenagers about the perils of sex. Of course there are STDs and pregnancy, but what about that emotional dangers? Yeah, you sort of forget about that one.
If you're lucky, you have a least one friend you can tell anything to. Who won't laugh at you when you need sympathy, or be mean to you when you need a hug or think you're pathetic when all you want to do is cry over some dumb boy. It could be a girlfriend, a guy friend, hey, it could even be your mom.
And then, there's always at least one romantic person that just gets under your skin for whatever reason. Maybe it's the love of your life. But maybe it's not. Maybe it's just an old flame you can't seem to blow out.
Every person I know has Some One (not *The* One) like that. They can be so dangerous, like kryptonite to Supergirl. No other person makes you that happy and that sad at the same time.
Sometimes it's because you shared your body and soul with them. Sometimes it's because they kissed you like no one has ever kissed you before. Sometimes it's just that being around them made you so happy that you forget about everything else they might have done to make you cry.
Why is that? How can some people be so intoxicating? Even when you know it's not right and you know it's not healthy? This is on my mind because one of my friends was talking about the love of her life. OK, how can she know that? Be real, we really don't know who the love of our life is until we've lived long enough to assess the situation. Anyway, is it really love if the person doesn't treat you right? Is it worth it? And why do people keep going back? Even when they know someone is toxic?
No one has the answer. The only answer is, some people just get under your skin and the thoughts, the memories, the moments, they stay with you. And it can take a long time to get them out.
Guys make it out like women are the ones who are trying to wrangle a commitment out of them. Like we're the ones sooo eager to snatch them up. It is not us. Boys do it first. This is something my friends have talked about.
Why do boys say "Hey, I want to take you to that new Baskin-Robbins when it opens in the future" if they aren't sure there's going to *be* a future? I don't make assumptions about how long I'll be dating a boy and say, "Hey, lets go see Harry Potter" when it doesn't come out for another couple of weeks. I don't make plans like that because it sends the wrong message.
When I was a senior in high school, the boy I was dating was in college -- and not the one I was planning to attend. He said to me "What are we going to do about next year?" I was thinking, *next year?* What the heck? I was only 17. Of course we didn't last until the next year. I don't remember if we lasted until the next month.
On to college, when I first started dating Slacker Boy, I told him that all I wanted to do when I grew up was have my own apartment and maybe some fish. He said "I have an apartment with some fish." I was thinking *Whoa! We just started dating two minutes ago and you are talking about my future and your apartment in the same conversation?*
Of course, about eight months later, when I told him I thought he was The One, he got all freaked out. He shouldn't have bothered. He obviously wasn't The One anyway. He was just The One I Dated Longest In College.
Sometimes the plans can stop you from doing things. When we were together, Slacker Boy said he wanted to watch "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" with me because he said, "Somehow, it's exactly what falling in love feels like."
Not much longer after that, we broke up. I have never seen that movie. I know it's supposed to be really good, but I just don't want to think about him or our failed relationship, or the fact that I used to love him, I wanted to marry him, and now, we're just friends and I'm not in love with anybody.
When I was dating Crazy Guy, he said he wanted to take me to a new place for ice cream. We didn't last long enough to go. I pass that ice cream place every time I go to yoga and I never want to get a cone there.
I guess sometimes you can say "skip him and his promises!" and do things without the boy. A boy told Renee he wanted to jump through the fountains at Crown Center with her. It never happened, so she went with our friend Sandi instead. Who needs boys when you have fun-loving girlfriends?
Crazy Guy also said we should watch "Like Water for Chocolate," together. We didn't. I watched it after the breakup to exorcise him out of my life. I thought it was kind of sappy. I can't believe that was his favorite movie.
To all you boys, don't make promises you can't keep. Just don't say anything. If taking your new girl to that Neil Diamond show two months away is really meant to be, you can talk about it in two months. Because if you break up after buying the tickets, you'll be out $60 for her ticket, and you'll be at the concert yourself, watching other people make out.
Entry 11: Sadie, sadie, married lady
I'm not going to say I hate married people. I don't. Some of my best friends are married. But I will say I don't particularly like married people in groups. It's the "we" convention. I'm not going to get started on the "we" thing, because I have already talked about it.
On Friday, I went out with three other women. They were all married, something I knew, but hadn't really thought about beforehand. Big mistake. Huge.
First, we went for Mexican food. One of them starts talking about her husband. Then another chimes in with a similar story, then the other. Then there's me, with nothing to say except, "This salsa is really good."
Then we start walking around to art galleries. It's more of the same. I think to myself, "I'm in hell. What was I thinking to be the only single person in the group?" I try to put on a brave single face though. It's not that I'm jealous that they're married. I'm not. It's just like being the only swan in a group of ducks. You're not ugly, but you feel like you are because you're different.
If I had been with my single friends I would have been laughing more and acting sillier. Talking about sex and how stupid men are. Checking for cute boys, then pointing out their flaws. (The last time I went to First Friday, I saw a guy I thought was hot and my girlfriend, we'll call her Claudia, said: "He has a gi-normous face!" That's the kind of fun we have. Note: Claudia also pointed out that digital boy has woman hips.)
There was one point in the night when one of the marrieds asked, "Where do all these people come from?" There were a lot of artsy-type people hanging around. I see artsy people all the time because a lot of my single friends know artists or they are artists. I even dated one. That was my Crazy Guy disaster of the summer. But don't get me started on that.
So I started telling them about how I knew a bunch of artists and musicians and had dated one who turned out to be crazy. They didn't say anything. They were probably thinking, "Gee, I am so lucky to be married to the perfect man and not have to worry about that dating nonsense any more."
I know, you're thinking I'm making this up, but they probably *were* thinking that.
I realize I got ahead of myself in the storytelling so let me backtrack. A long time ago (like last weekend) I had a crush on this weirdo. We'll call him weird guy (not to be confused with digital boy's nasty friend who likes me who is also weird). But he's recently single and I'm not trying to be his rebound anything. I went through that with the Crazy Guy and it sucked. Hardcore.
He's really cute. And flirty. And complimentary and probably a really great kisser. He looks like it anyway. But he sends out too many mixed signals and I am afraid of boys with mixed signals. One minute they love you, the next minute they are all "Do I know you?"
I guess I send out mixed signals to him too. But I don't want to put my emotions all out there. I just want to make out. Well, that's what I tell myself, but my good friend told me what I really want is someone to make out with and then cuddle with afterward, which is probably kind of true.
More than one of my friends held my hand through the Crazy Guy disaster of the summer. Some of them probably wanted to kill me. I wanted to kill me. But when I started talking about this new possibility, one particular guy friend told me to think about what this new guy really might want so I don't get hurt.
My friend said "Love/sex mistakes hurt and take longer than we'd like to heal. So if I can help prevent one I try."
Grr. I hate it when your friends know you better than you know yourself.
WHY is it when I decide "OK, this guy is not interested, I am not going to like this guy," they decide to come at you full force?
Take this one weird guy. I decided I am *not* going to like him. He is looking for a piece and although I wouldn't mind making out with him, I want more than that (not with him though, he's not boyfriend material). It's not a crime to want more. My friend told me that today. She said "Women are always selling themselves short. It's OK to want a boyfriend, you want a boyfriend, there's nothing wrong with that."
I don't want a boyfriend right now. But when I do start dating again, that's what I'll want, not some "We don't put this into words" *thing*.
So I delete his number off my phone, and then he calls me today, and stupid me, I answer because I don't recognize the number. He called totally out of the blue, I haven't talked to him in days (since the night I deleted him off my phone)... Does it mean something that he called? No, I did NOT just ask myself that. This is why I don't date. Because boys are crazy, and, I must admit, I can be a little bit crazy when it comes to them.
If I had a $1 for every married person who has said, "I'm so glad I'm not out there dating" since I began this dating blog, I would be RICH.
No one ever says to me, "I'm so glad I'm not black. That must suck for you, huh?"
No cancer survivor says to a sick person, "Boy, am I glad I'm healthy. Being sick was the pits. I don't know how you stay sick."
Not that being single is a disease, but no single person wants to hear, "I'm so glad I'm not single like you are."
It sounds like: "You are such a loser. Your life must be so pathetic and hard. Don't get killed swimming with those dating sharks!"
Well, being single is not hard. It's easy, and it's fun.
I am single because I want to be. Not because there's a shortage of guys who want me. How could guys not want me? I'm hot and brilliant. I mean, I'm not trying to brag, but, as my friend "Sandi" said the other day, I'm a "hot ticket." I don't need a boyfriend to tell me that.
In the past week, more than two guys have said to me "That's why you're single." after I got an attitude with them. Umm, no.
To quote Mae West, "I'm single because I was born that way."
I am single because I haven't met the right man and I don't want to date any meantime men.
I'm not waiting around thinking "Where is he already?!" And I'm not sad or lonely.
I'm cynical, but I'm a happy person. I feel awesome because I didn't need a man to buy my own place, I didn't need a man to move with me to Kansas City and I don't need a man to mow my lawn. I can do all those things by myself, and I have done a pretty righteous job.
Why be desperate for a boyfriend when you have a ton of awesome unmarried girlfriends and a wealth of technology at your fingertips?
So if it ever seems like I'm complaining, it's just to be funny. Because I'm a single, fabulous, fearless feminist.
And don't you forget it.
Leave me alone
Well, there goes my crush on digital boy. His weirdo and totally not hot friend has a crush on me. YUCK. Now I can never date digital boy because of the whole boy code. Oh well. Digital boy had woman hips anyway, my friend "Claudia" said. I hate having crushes on boys. Last weekend, I had a crush on two boys. By Monday I was like forget them both. They are not crushworthy at all. I was just bored and kind of wanted to make out.
Last night, I was at this bar and digital boy's friend kept grabbing me. I kept blowing him off. What is it with boys that they don't understand the brush off? How could I have been clearer? He grabbed my arm a bunch of times, like 'hey, wait' and I just waved and kept walking. He kept smiling at me in this creepy way too.
What is it about me that attracts freaks, losers and psychos? That's yet another reason why I don't date. Dating is hazardous to your mental health.
But oh, well, whatever. I didn't want to have a crush on anyone anyway and now I don't anymore. I'm just me and I'm learning to be happy all on my own. Well, until the time comes for the chosen family plan! Then I'm getting a duplex and a frozen pop (you know, artificial insemination, although I probably will go the cheap route and use an ex for a one-night stand) with my good friend, we'll call her "Anna."
And contrary to what anyone in cyber space might think, I am not a bitter person. I love life and I love people, especially my friends and family. I even love some guys. My dad's my favorite, even though he's kind of a player. J I am a happy person, so if anyone out there is thinking "That is one bitter chick" you are sadly mistaken. The term is cynical, not bitter.
Me, myself and I
DANG! I was trying not to like the weird guy who was totally trying to put it on me. He was all kissing on me and growling "You smell so good" in my ear at the bar. How can a girl not be turned on? but I was keeping cool. Then, all of a sudden he is nowhere to be found. Psycho.
What is the deal with guys?? Then, the brainy guy turned out to be a liar, I think. Then, Crazy Guy shows up trying to act all sane. I am so freaking aggravated. Just when I was all "I'm over him and I forgive him for being in love with someone else and making out with me anyway." he sends me this weird, cryptic email. Not I want you back, at least I don't think so, but, I don't know. Boys! Why do they do this? More importantly, why do I let them? They are kind of (jerks), they never understand anything, and why do they run the world anyway?
There goes another one
Boys are from another planet. I swear, it's true. What other explanation can there be for them? They never understand what we're saying.
Take me, for example (don't take that the wrong way, boys I don't mean "take me!" this is your problem, get your mind out of the gutter). Just when I decide I am not dating boys, they start coming out of my ears.
First, a boy I dated briefly this summer calls me trying to impress me. Then this weird guy I'm kind of interested in is all over me. And then there's digital boy. I think I have a crush on him. But I can't have a crush on him. I don't want to date right now. My whole blog is about how I don't date. He probably has one of the three issues anyway.
But he's so cute. And smells good. Like oranges or something. I think he was flirting with me the other night. (But I can never tell when boys are flirting. My friends always tell me after the fact and I'm all "really? He was flirting? Are you sure? I don't think so.")
Then, the weird guy comes up and is all over me, kind of messing up my game. What was the deal? Why did he have to be hugging on me in public? I am not his girlfriend, I have never even kissed him. Now digital boy will think I'm not single. I'm not saying I want to be digital boy's girlfriend. But I wouldn't mind making out with him. But then again, like my friend says, that's how it starts. Then making out leads to trouble.
And also some strange brainy guy is emailing me now. Hey... he might be Mr. November!! But maybe not. I hope not. The brainy guy says "my sister" WAAAY too much.
One night I was talking to my friend about why men have so many issues. We talk about that a lot.
We talk about it so much that we've decided on "the chosen family plan." That means, even though we're not related, if we're still single when we turn 30, we will choose to get a duplex together and call it a day.
This same friend and I think all freaks, losers, liars and cheaters - by this, I mean all those bad ex-boyfriends - should be banished to their own island. That way we would never have to see them again, and they could never see other women again either. It's selfish, but a good plan if you ask me.
She said there should be a separate island for the jerky ex-girlfriends too.
Only the ex-girlfriends could never get to the island where the ex-boyfriends were. That would defeat the whole purpose. Those jerky ex-boyfriends need to rue the day they ever broke your heart, not be cuddling up to some floozy.
I originally was going to call this island Jamaican Jerk Island. It was a play on jerk chicken, but I don't want to offend anybody. And anyway, those jerky ex-girlfriends should be so lucky to be in Jamaica. The men there are awesome. Great kissers. I speak from experience. They loved me. Not to say they weren't horn dogs, but that's all men.
Also, speaking of the beach, another one of my friends just got engaged. On the beach. In Carmel. Gag me with a freaking spoon. In a minute it will be all "WE can't wait to get married," "WE love sappy music," "WE make everyone sick with our love."
I probably have said this before, but if I become one of those WE people, I give you permission to slap the taste out of my mouth.
I honestly like being single. All I miss is the making out part and the sleepover part - well, not so much the sleeping. I like my own covers and my own space.
(Cuddling! What did you think I meant? Gross!)
But anyway, it's hard to enjoy being single when all your girls keep getting boyfriend-ed, girlfriend-ed, or worse, engaged. I'm 90 percent happy for her. But 10 percent resentful. Stop getting married, ladies! What are you trying to do, ruin my life?
I swear, just when I start to really like KC, my friends start dating seriously or leaving one by one. One of the reasons I don't mind not dating is because I love spending time with all my awesome friends.
If all my single friends move away, I'm going to have to start dating again, otherwise, who will I go to the bar with?
Do I know you?
So I was driving today, and I was spotted by an ex. Not really an ex. More like a Never-Was.
The guy was successful and nice and smart, yadda yadda, but I just looked at him and I did not want to kiss him. One night after a few glasses of wine and some good conversation I thought I wanted to kiss him, but he turned me down.
He wanted to wait. Well, there went his chance. That's what he gets for being a tease.
So we kind of were dating this summer, until I met Crazy Guy. I thought CG was the second coming or something. He wasn't. He's the one I wasted two months of heartache on. But anyway, I stopped taking calls from the never-was. It's not like we had a real commitment. I told him up front that I wasn't interested in anything serious.
I do think he kind of liked me. And I kind of liked him at first too. But there was the no-kiss thing, then there was the no-college degree thing and then there was also the no-furniture thing.
Oh, did I mention that? He had NO furniture in his house. Not even a bed.
When I told my girlfriends that, one of them said "You could never sleep there. Your knees would hurt!" We aren't going to go there as far as what she was talking about.
Fast-forward to the present. Now the never-was is asking me out. Again. I'm really not into dating right now, but a free dinner is a free dinner. Should I go? I'm thinking on it.
THIS is why I don't date.
So today I was thinking about this guy, we'll call him Michael. He's really cute and nice. He has great hair. But he seems like he's a real ladies man if you know what I mean. He lives in my old neighborhood, which is why I never pursued him before, you don't want to have to see your ex every day on the elevator. He's flirted with me a lot, but I never quite know what to do when a guy flirts with me. Besides, he might just have been trying to get in my pants. I know what you're thinking, "Cynical, party of one!" and you're right.
But I don't know, I just feel gun shy about dating at all at this point. Boys are all so crazy. Well, let me rephrase that, 85 percent of the boys my age that I know of are crazy. It seems to me 20-something boys all have some sort of issue. There's the I-don't-wannnnnaa-grow-up issue, or the I'm-so-confused-about-what-to-do-with-my-life issue, or the No-girl-will-ever-live-up-to-my-ex issue. That's just to name a few. What is it? Is there something in the water that makes males crazy? I have faced these issues before. Stupid boys have caused me a lot of heartache, let me tell you.
I've watched some of my girlfriends battle with these boy issues too. Not just one girlfriend, girlfriends plural. It isn't restricted to Kansas City either, my friends in other cities and states are all dating the same man. And he needs Prozac, oh yeah, and a heart. Have you ever heard of a little thing called compassion, guys?
I'm not going to get too specific, because my girlfriends might read this blog and come kill me for telling their biz on the Internet.
This is what happens: Girl dates boy, boy seems totally normal at first, boy acts like he likes girl as much as girl likes him, out of nowhere, boy freaks out, boy decides he can't date girl anymore, boy gives girl a lame line ("Let's still be friends!"), girl is left wondering "Umm, what just happened here?"
OK, speaking of the lame lines, boys, don't SAY you want to be friends if you don't. It's just rude.
And ladies, if a boy says "You don't want to date me, I'm not a good person, I'm a bad boy." LISTEN!!!! He warned you. If I had listened when a stupid boy told me that, I would have spared myself two months of heartache. Two months!
I met a guy recently and it got me thinking, I could like him. But I don't really.
Why do I do this to myself?
I was thinking, he's cute, he's successful and single, which is saying a lot in Kansas City. But I need to raise my standards.
I am not dating any boy I feel lukewarm about. Well, saying that scares me because how many married-for-50-years people do you hear saying "I didn't even like him at first!" What if that's the case with me? I might be missing out on the love of my life because I wasn't that into him the first time we met. (Although according to my dad's pyschic I will meet the love of my life in November and he'll be a businessman from the East Coast, but more on that later...)
I've met guys before who I was totally drawn to and smitten with right away. It didn't last (obviously, because I'm single), but that feeling was really great while it did last. The heartache was worth the happiness. Or is it the other way around? Whatever, you know what I mean.
So back to my point, should I pursue this guy? This happened with another guy earlier in the summer. I kind of liked him, he, too, was cute, successful and single -- and weird -- which I like. I was thinking, it doesn't have to be anything serious. I can just make out with him to pass the time this summer and help me heal my broken heart.
But one of my girlfriends said "Don't do it. You know what will happen, it will start out as making out, but you'll probably be drunk, and then you'll sleep together, and then you'll like him for real because you slept with him and you'll be right back where you started-- with a broken heart because boys don't operate like us."
Although she totally took my "I think I might kinda like this guy" to a whole new level, she had a point.
So I can't settle. Even if it's just dating. Why risk it? Now I know you people in cyberspace are thinking I'm a coward and a cynic. Well, I don't care. Both are true for the moment.